March 13, 2013

March 13, 2013 - Suicide

I'm going to be honest here. My opinion on this matter is not going to be popular, but that's why it's my opinion. Some of these things will be coming from personal experience and knowing people who have tried to commit suicide.

You have been warned.

Honestly, this was spurned from recent conversation on twitter. Someone mentioned suicide was the "coward's way out" and I stayed silent. I stayed silent because it's not a topic I like talking about on the internet. People get offended and hurt and words are more easily misquoted. So here in my piece immortalized forever on my blog and in the one tweet that will announce it.

I'm going to be honest. In high school I did believe suicide was for cowards that couldn't deal with their problems. I believed it right up until the day I considered it myself. I honestly thought nothing else would solve my problems. That the few people who might mourn my death would get over it before my body went cold. The only things that came into my mind that I would miss were my stuffed animals.

I wrote a story a while back about a girl killing herself and thinking her stuffed animals would be alone. That is a real thought that I have every time I feel depressed and suicidal. I cut a grand total of once. Ever since that day, my left wrist gets this weird feeling when the thoughts of suicide pop into my head.

Since I can remember, sadly, these thoughts come and go. They come because of the fact I leave myself open to help people, but when I need my friends the most, they are busy with their real lives and real friends. They go because the few friends that do speak up keep me going and remind me that more than just my stuffed animals will miss me.

Suicide is never the answer. You may be ending the pain for you, but you are causing pain to the people that love you and want to help. There is always, always, another way.

And I'm here for you every step.

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